This is the first post here, that is redirected from my old site. I've finally decided to move.
A lot have happened since I last wrote online. I have changed considerably, people around me changed considerably. I became a lot more brave, and I came to embrace life and those around me more.
April 22 this year came and went. One year had passed and we are all moving on with our lives. Grandpa's apartment will be sold and with that, hopefully, we can finally get some closure and move on.
But I know deep down, I won't be able to move on so easily. I cried when 22 April came, the exact hour when he passed. I cried because of I saw images of my mom wailing when she found out the news. I cried because of the way I answered the call from my grandaunt, thinking it was some prank call at 3AM in the morning. I cried because I never got to say goodbye to him in my own special way. I cried because I only seem to see him once a year during Chinese New Year and not spending more time with him. I cried because he was the one holding the entire extended family together with his gatherings and prayer occasions. I cried because of so many unquantifiable reasons. I cried because I still miss him after one year.
But at the same time, I smiled. I smiled in comfort that he is now in a better place. I smiled because I know he is looking over me every day. I smiled because he believed (and still believe) that I was meant to do great things in life. I smiled because I know he is with Grandma now. He always seemed so sad whenever we commemorate grandma's passing, so I know he is in a better place with eternal bliss.
These past few months leading up to the examinations have been a pretty heavy period. Though a lot of things do not impact me directly, it happened to my friends. And it affected me quite a lot. It seems that a lot of people are leaving us over the last few months, none of them I know directly. But in one way or another, it happened to my group of friends whom I am closest to in school, and it's hard to ignore these things. With no one to turn to (or rather, no opportunity and time to unload) I'm back here again.
First, J's grandma passed away some two months back. He didn't really mentioned it too much, perhaps we were in the midst of all the craziness in school with the assignments, projects and all. I asked if he was okay, he gave me the affirmative, but I know deep down, he's probably hurting. One year one, the pain of grandpa's passing is ever so raw. I can't say I understand how he feels now, but I can certainly relate to it.
Then, just two days ago, C's friend's sister, Melissa Toh, left us. She took her own life. She was only 19. Though I don't know Melissa, I can only imagine what she was going through, what her last thoughts were, and how the family is left grieving. Again, I can only take comfort in the fact that she is in a better place, in God's embrace. As I read blogs, testimonials and messages dedicated to her, I can't help but be amazed at the number of lives she has touched in the 19 years she walked on God's green Earth.
Melissa's sister, Sharmaine, is a fellow NBS undergrad, she was due to take her exams with all of us. As a result of Melissa's passing, she put everything on hold and will now have to sit for the exams next semester. But that is probably the least of her concerns now. I can't even bring myself to imagine how her parents feel now. They must be devastated.
On the same day, C's uncle passed away while in China. Though she wasn't close to her uncle. I can only, once again, imagine what she is going through and how she is holding everything together. Grandpa passed away on the day of my last paper last year, all these happened while we are right in the middle of the examination period.
I just want to say that my thoughts and prayers are with J, C, Sharmaine, all of their families and everyone who is going through the same predicament right now. Granted, their stories are just one in a million others.
Many times, we simply do not embrace life enough. People enter and leave our lives every minute, if only we can take a minute or two to get to know each and every one of them. The world will be a better place. If only...
